honestly speaking..after all this time..i don't really know you..but i really want to.

it's interesting how the enviornment change you...3 good years ago...it seems so unstoppable, seems so reckless.. soo thrilling..i still remember those times when i really really wasn't using much of my brain...and i was glad that i never need to use much?? things were more spontaneous, and without thinking, i always made the best choice ever.

Now, everything changes..
i have to basically use my brain to think, to ponder, to calculate..so many shit hole things for god knows how many times a day? academics is one thing..daily important decisions is another. ( Did i screw up? Was that THE best thing to do? What should i do next? ) and when i was tired and TRIED the method of doing things on impulse and recklessness...confirm screw up big big time...
if i can recall...the last time i did something on impulse..totally screwed me..well not really..but still lol.
see this is what happens when you can't really find your own identity?
i think i lost mine...the worst part...when people ask me who i am....
jordan never came up to mine...
nope it's not just a name...it's not just some alter ego either..
It should be something that represents me...
somehow...it just never did..
teenagers..we should use our POWER OF YOUTH and FIERY SPIRITS and dash forward or something...
and here i am finding out who i am...
that is darn stupid....
this holidays is mundane already.
when any case..after a long hiatus...i actually exercise today.
jogging...i reached my target..around the neighborhood one round...
it really is a long distance...sure more than 2.4..
but after that i almost died.lol
but i guess it's a good thing..two birds in one stone.
the pull up dream sure did motivate me...
i dreamt that i could do 4 pull ups. When i can do none.
well haha..long way to go dude...
i think i would need ukimono..

haha..what does it really mean by all i've got.
interesting concept...
plan.

the pain of nothing to do..
always bothers you when you have the holidays..well should be going back to time zone to work next week..it is a trade off..so as much as i dislike to work there, oh well..
my feelings have become very distorted.but i still manage to follow through.
well saw ming bridges in real person ytd, she had some accompany from London i guess.
i must say she look drop dead gorgeous. i cant believe she is 17..lik really? damm..
was at vivo..after the tedious hike..oh well it was kind of fun...but never went for the cip today.
The whole world is busy with work and studies..it's kind of sad that you are alone to savor the moment. In any case...promo result was a pass, but very badly done..very disappointing..but at least i got through..( i had to). haix..i feel very very restless...having no faith to follow something through is a very painful thing. To tell the truth, i have no guts or courage to keep things real, i mean with all these chaos and things..it's very hard.it's the problem with me... oh for god sake, if liking someone is hard..loving someone proves to be harder..arhhhhh sucks. but i guess i should not be too reserved about how i should approach, but i should also not be too open and fire all the way with it. haix..
i feel so stupid, but i think i might really like you.

i am going to fall deep deep...
i want to see how far i can go..
just how far.

i think humans should really live by two rules...
live simple,live free.
hell hard it is....
i think i'm living in the devil's pitfall...
there is a reason whyyy it's called a pitfall...
see, see, seeeeee it's not your called jordan...firstly, you can't afford it...most likely die...
secondly... to achieve happiness...you inflicting so much pain...
then again...why bother so much??? if my friend has the courage...then screw it.
after all...you know what they say...rather die like a man than not trying to.
oh you should see the face...soon.

There's nothing else that i can say...

it's about time that i have to learn to walk on your own....
people don't care whether i'm alive or die anyway
the world will spin anyways...
arh what the heck...screw the world...
fuck the things that i used to believe in anyway...
the world is just that ugly anyway...dark corrupted..
shannon was right...he did warn me about it before....
oh well, time to get up, get out.
can't believe i hold it that long...
i'm done.with all of this.

i'm kind of lazy to real express out all the frustrations i have..so i guess using one word will do..

boomz

someone...please..please rip my skin off inside out?
i feel very irritated, frustrated with myself...